Saturday, May 28, 2011
Mood: Confuse & Emo!
Hmmm...
Just thought of blogging out my feelings...
Recently, I seriously do not know what really is running in my mind.
Today received a sms from _ E _ _ I _ A saying why I have not been sms-ing her. Where previously whenever I am bored or what so ever, I will sms her. Thinking back, I guess I started to stop sms-ing her is after the science centre (SC) trip.
YES, I maybe looking very happy in all the photos taken. However at some point of time during the tour in the SC, I seriously felt left out, Seriously left out! At some point of time, I can be seen looking at the exhibit alone and not knowing where the rest is. And i have to search for them alone and again "act" as if it's all okay for me and start smiling again. The person i tot i am seriously close with, on tt day somehow is just felt like stranger. Maybe "jealous"???? Or should tt even be the right word? haha... Cos she was like more interested in entertaining him. (personal view)
Oh well... maybe i am just thinking too much...
Another person i been trying to avoid is _ I _ _ _ N.
Oh well... For this, NO CHOICE.
Have not been sms-ing her happily ever since the Aust trip.
How i wish tt time during shanghai NEVER ENDs! The time when i actually pon my Hospitality class and go find her... go catch a movie tgt, go shopping and such... Again, it's all wishful thinking. COME'on!!! She is A________! Since we have already come to a term of just being super close friends, but u will simply get seriously jealous when you see things u dun wish to see... much more, recently, hear things u dun wish to hear. AIYA..!!! 5 yrs leh..! plus aso fate does not bring close to u... aso no coice mah... jus give her e blessing lor...
Anyway was quite happy to receive her sms just now.... It have been months, SERIOUSLY MONTHS!!! since she started to sms me first and sms me very cheerful. I am really glad and happy. However i aso dare not sms with much hope. as chinese gt one saying, the higher u place ur hope, the bigger the pain u will feel for if the thing fails. anyway, i juz gonna let things flow...
In army,
Been trying to clique with my platoon mate.
Ya... from the surface, everything seems tt everything is perfectly normal.
However seriously, i think it's becos i am just trying to blend in.
You will see that, when activity is going on, they will know who to choose or who to talk with. And most of the time, i am left standing alone. Is it because during APC course? I seriously dunno.. Even the 42 SAR guys DOES NOT LIKE THE WAY I DO THINGS. But again! I am just following orders. Am i even wrong? :'(
During ICCT training is one good point to show. Everyone had their partner. ONLY ME! I have to go along with someone from other platoon. In bunk, they have their own internal joke! When buying of things, I am not even in their list, unless i voice out. AHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!! I duno... I duno is it I AM THE PROBLEM Or simply i just cannot clique with anyone? FUCK MY LIFE! D:
Not say just about this army, YBC as well.
When ever help is needed for stomp, they will only then recall a person called EUGENE YEO!
Other then that, i guess this person does not even exist in their world.
2 times i felt seriously alone. 1. During the trip to Penang. When everyone is enjoying happily in the room. And where the hell was i? ALONE IN THE ROOM. And what happen when i go to their bunk and ask them to do something, i just ask to get out. And Wilson need to come and step in. 2. During the trip to KL for stomp and exchange. During the rehearsal, again all of them were called to take group pic tgt. AGAIN where the hell was i? ALONE AT THE STAGE. No one bothers to call me to join in. Maybe because i am not in their so call clique / family?
Seriously, if it was the time when amelia, adelina,zoe, siying was around, i believe YBC is somewhere i dun mind help out, as I am been acknowledge inside. They take me as friends. Now? HAHA, i guess more like, NEED HELP? call me. after tt? THROW ME ASIDE. You call this a buddhist group that have special bonding? NO! seriously NO! That is why i choose to not bother any YBC events ever since then. For this yr VEsak stomp, is because i am doing Sis Jackie a favor. Or else, i dun think i will even be BOTHERED!
I DUNO LAH!!!!
FML!
Hmmm...
Just thought of blogging out my feelings...
Recently, I seriously do not know what really is running in my mind.
Today received a sms from _ E _ _ I _ A saying why I have not been sms-ing her. Where previously whenever I am bored or what so ever, I will sms her. Thinking back, I guess I started to stop sms-ing her is after the science centre (SC) trip.
YES, I maybe looking very happy in all the photos taken. However at some point of time during the tour in the SC, I seriously felt left out, Seriously left out! At some point of time, I can be seen looking at the exhibit alone and not knowing where the rest is. And i have to search for them alone and again "act" as if it's all okay for me and start smiling again. The person i tot i am seriously close with, on tt day somehow is just felt like stranger. Maybe "jealous"???? Or should tt even be the right word? haha... Cos she was like more interested in entertaining him. (personal view)
Oh well... maybe i am just thinking too much...
Another person i been trying to avoid is _ I _ _ _ N.
Oh well... For this, NO CHOICE.
Have not been sms-ing her happily ever since the Aust trip.
How i wish tt time during shanghai NEVER ENDs! The time when i actually pon my Hospitality class and go find her... go catch a movie tgt, go shopping and such... Again, it's all wishful thinking. COME'on!!! She is A________! Since we have already come to a term of just being super close friends, but u will simply get seriously jealous when you see things u dun wish to see... much more, recently, hear things u dun wish to hear. AIYA..!!! 5 yrs leh..! plus aso fate does not bring close to u... aso no coice mah... jus give her e blessing lor...
Anyway was quite happy to receive her sms just now.... It have been months, SERIOUSLY MONTHS!!! since she started to sms me first and sms me very cheerful. I am really glad and happy. However i aso dare not sms with much hope. as chinese gt one saying, the higher u place ur hope, the bigger the pain u will feel for if the thing fails. anyway, i juz gonna let things flow...
In army,
Been trying to clique with my platoon mate.
Ya... from the surface, everything seems tt everything is perfectly normal.
However seriously, i think it's becos i am just trying to blend in.
You will see that, when activity is going on, they will know who to choose or who to talk with. And most of the time, i am left standing alone. Is it because during APC course? I seriously dunno.. Even the 42 SAR guys DOES NOT LIKE THE WAY I DO THINGS. But again! I am just following orders. Am i even wrong? :'(
During ICCT training is one good point to show. Everyone had their partner. ONLY ME! I have to go along with someone from other platoon. In bunk, they have their own internal joke! When buying of things, I am not even in their list, unless i voice out. AHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!! I duno... I duno is it I AM THE PROBLEM Or simply i just cannot clique with anyone? FUCK MY LIFE! D:
Not say just about this army, YBC as well.
When ever help is needed for stomp, they will only then recall a person called EUGENE YEO!
Other then that, i guess this person does not even exist in their world.
2 times i felt seriously alone. 1. During the trip to Penang. When everyone is enjoying happily in the room. And where the hell was i? ALONE IN THE ROOM. And what happen when i go to their bunk and ask them to do something, i just ask to get out. And Wilson need to come and step in. 2. During the trip to KL for stomp and exchange. During the rehearsal, again all of them were called to take group pic tgt. AGAIN where the hell was i? ALONE AT THE STAGE. No one bothers to call me to join in. Maybe because i am not in their so call clique / family?
Seriously, if it was the time when amelia, adelina,zoe, siying was around, i believe YBC is somewhere i dun mind help out, as I am been acknowledge inside. They take me as friends. Now? HAHA, i guess more like, NEED HELP? call me. after tt? THROW ME ASIDE. You call this a buddhist group that have special bonding? NO! seriously NO! That is why i choose to not bother any YBC events ever since then. For this yr VEsak stomp, is because i am doing Sis Jackie a favor. Or else, i dun think i will even be BOTHERED!
I DUNO LAH!!!!
FML!